continued...
Somewhere in the midst of all of this chaos, I was taken out of work. Imagine being pregnant, mothering a two year old, dealing with a delusional, bipolar spouse and juggling a busy career as a theatre/dance high school teacher; oh, and add my own bout of prenatal depression to the mix. Not easy. Something had to go, and the only option was work.
I was lucky enough to have disability with my employment, and unlucky enough to have a boss who did not see the importance of my doctor’s removal from work enough to understand I couldn’t create detailed lesson plans and plan musicals from home anyway. And, although the disability definitely helped us transition financially, it was only half of what I normally made.
With some of the complexity of our situation acknowledged, it is important to say that through all of this I had only one constant. My Lord; my Savior; my Jesus truly was all that I had all of the time.
My family tried, but bipolar disorder is hard to understand. And, it is hard to understand that it is bipolar disorder tearing one’s daughter apart, rather than her husband intentionally driving her batty. His family tried, but again, bipolar disorder is hard to understand. How does one acknowledge that this person, who is so obviously not one’s child, is in fact the son they raised? Doctor’s tried, too, but their knowledge and power is limited.
I knew One, though, who is never limited. Through it all, God knew everything already. God understands bipolar marriages completely. He knows just what the challenges are, and He knows just how to meet them head on. The only rest I ever got was in His loving arms. Even as my faith faltered, then grew again, God refused to let me go. He knew and He loved me, as bad as my thoughts got and as much as I hated everything He had ever given me. He carried me, and never once did He falter. He, and He alone, still carries me today.
No comments:
Post a Comment